first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
