I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
