Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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