I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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