Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
