I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
