I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
