bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize