Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
