it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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