yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I love you. Go after that dick
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
