i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
