saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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