quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
