Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
