Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
