Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
