there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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