i just wanna soil my oats bro
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
