I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
