Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
