we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
