Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
