Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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