high people should be assigned attendants
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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