I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize