Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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