So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
