how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
