Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
