Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
