You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
