There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
