I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
