He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
