The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
