If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
