The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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