And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
