Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
