I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ttyl tear gas
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
