I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
