So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
