I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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