I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
