I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize