Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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