"it" just moved
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize