OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
