I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
