Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize