All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
