Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
