I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
