Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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