Even water is tasting like jack daniels
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
whose parrot is this?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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