she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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