dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
