i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
