While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't turn off my feet"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
