I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
