"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
