You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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