So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
