1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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