Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
