I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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