Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
