happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
