Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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