So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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