You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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