Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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