one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
