Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
