Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
