found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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